The problem of difference is an issue brought to feminism by womanist and mujerista theology. It concerns the tendency of white middle-class feminists to generalize women's experience and speak for all women, everywhere, authoritatively. The problem of difference is not only a question leveled about the fact that differences exist among women but an assertion that all differences are not the same. Not only then does relational feminism need to concern itself with the interstructuring of different modes of oppression but it needs to be able to differentiate between oppressions as well.
Speaking at a conference about theological works (i.e. writings), Ada Mara Isasi-Daz notes three things that will happen if value and respect are given to difference. Firstly, if we recognize difference we will make the effort to enter the work of other theologians and understand it from the perspective of the author. Secondly we need to allow each other's theology to be important in and of itself and not according to its appropriateness to our situation. And thirdly, we need to let other theologies act as mirrors to our own; critical, creative, dialectic mirrors which question and challenge the differences they see. Difference, in this understanding, is not a problem to be avoided, but the creative tension and dialogue which will allow us to see closer to the truth.
The problem of difference is one the first areas in which the deep and broad understandings of relationship developed by feminist ethics have been given testing in actual situations. The distance we have to travel from the reality of our relationships to the paradigms of relationship we have developed is staggering and we will need good tools for this process.
This distance is summarized perfectly by Maria Lugones,
" When I do not see plurality stressed in the very structure of a theory, I know that I will have to do lots of acrobatics-like a contortionist or tight-rope walker-to have this theory speak to me without allowing the theory to distort me in my complexity. When I do not see plurality in the very structure of a theory, I see the phantom that I am in your eyes take grotesque form and mime crudely and heavily your own image. Don't you? When I do not see plurality in the very structure of a theory, I see the fool that I am mimicking your image for the pleasure of noticing that you know no better. Don't you?"
To summarize, the complexity of relational feminist theology and ethics is seen in the interstructuring between various modes of oppression, in the diversity, pluralism, and the problem of difference in the ethical endeavour feminist theologians aim towards, and in the commitment to relationships based on a mutual non-hierarchial understanding of the Trinity and the subsequent depth and breadth of such relationships.
In embodiment, and especially touch, and in love as a norm to relationships which value both individuals and communities, relational feminist theology also asserts a broad understanding of mutuality as a significant norm which should shape our relationships and our ethics.